Shyness, Introversion, and Social Anxiety – What’s the Difference?
Shyness, introversion, and social anxiety are terms that have long been confused. While social anxiety is a clinical diagnosis, introversion is actually a personality trait, an aspect of one’s temperament. Whereas shyness and social anxiety affect how you interact socially, introversion is about where and how a person gets his or her energy. Introverts are rejuvenated through spending quiet time alone, unlike extroverts who gain energy from interacting with other people.
Brain scans of extroverts reveal that their brains are activated when interacting with someone or something outside of themselves. Introverts' brain scans reveal that their brains are most active when they are reflecting on thoughts, feelings, or sensations experienced internally. They derive mental energy primarily from introspection and reflection, prefer to interact with only a select few at a time, and are often excellent listeners.
Shyness can also be defined as a personality trait, but often features of anxiety are associated with these individuals, generally based on external triggers. Also, research shows that less than 25 percent of people who are shy also have social anxiety disorder. According to Dr. Jonathan Cheek, professor of psychology at Wellesley College, there are actually four different types of shyness. While many people call themselves shy, they may actually be describing a personality preference of introversion. Shyness only is a problem if that person also has a strong need to socialize.
According to Cheek's research, the four sub-categories of shyness are:
Shy-Secure: They have a certain amount of social anxiety, but don't need a lot of social interaction.
Shy-Withdrawn: These individuals are more anxious about social interaction. They worry intensely about rejection, judgment, or saying or doing the wrong thing.
Shy-Dependent: This group wants to be with others so much, they overcompensate, rarely putting their own needs forward.
Shy-Conflicted: These people have a strong need for social contact but are also anxious about it; they do an approach-avoid thing. They also experience "anticipatory anxiety," or the fear/anxiety of going out knowing social contact will only increase their anxiety. This can create a vicious cycle where they use their feelings of anxiety as a justification for avoiding a situation, and then tell themselves that they are a failure. Both result in wearing away confidence which makes it difficult to exhibit new behavior the next time.
Social anxiety is actually a clinical diagnosis. It’s easy to confuse shyness with social anxiety, as many of the symptoms are similar. Shyness tends to appear in specific situations, whereas the symptoms of social anxiety are persistent, bringing about an excessive amount of fear, discomfort, self-criticism, and self-consciousness in social situations. Also known as social phobia, it is “a significant amount of fear, embarrassment or humiliation in social performance-based situations, to a point at which the affected person often avoids these situations entirely, or endures them with a high level of distress,” according to the Social Anxiety Institute.
Sophia Dembling, author of The Introvert’s Way states that introversion, shyness, and social anxiety often get confused because they all have to do with socializing. However, Dembling states that a lack of interest in socializing is very clearly not the same as fearing it. An introvert can be completely content with refusing a party invitation, but someone with social anxiety would feel disappointed in themselves, worrying about what people would think of their absence. Psychologist, Ellen Hendrikson explains, “Introversion is a trait, meaning it’s part of your inborn personality. But with social anxiety, while you may carry a predisposition toward it, you didn’t come out of the womb with it. Likely, a lot of learning went into its development.”
Social anxiety often stems from how one was treated in childhood. If you were told you were unattractive, stupid, or incapable of making friends, feelings of shame and inadequacy become part of your belief system. Therefore, feelings of performance anxiety or being judged by others can fuel one’s fear or shame, resulting in avoidance of social situations or extreme withdrawal.
In my recent book Embracing Therapeutic Complexity, I distinguish between shyness, introversion, and social anxiety by pointing out the difference between temperament and forms of attachment injury. Shyness and social anxiety often stem from some form of attachment injury. Either there is a lack of safety and consistency which may produce feelings of withdrawal, or the home environment is one where the child experiences overly correcting or hovering parents who apply pressure on the child to perform. Or the parent becomes frustrated with the child’s shyness and offers no encouragement or help in finding ways to overcome and master difficult feelings. In each of these instances, I offer clinical examples of how healing and recovery from attachment injuries can occur.